How To Throw The Ultimate ‘Fyre Festival’ Party
A party isn’t always necessarily about having a good time, it’s about having an experience.
So, your birthday is coming up (once again) and you want to do something a little special. The first thought, of course, is a costume party. But the idea of trying on 45 variations of “slutty ____” makes you want to cry. So, I propose something a little unique.
Back in 2017, a luxury music festival was held in the Bahamas, but everything kind of went crazy. Long story short: the festival took money off rich influencers, promising them luxury accommodation, food, and music guests, which they never received. Basically it’s a modern day Lord of the Flies. If you don’t know what that is, google it!
So, what is a better way to get back at your friends for calling you fat that one time, than by forcing them to go to the worst party ever?
The original Fyre Festival promoted their event by asking influencers to post an orange square to their Instagram profiles, alongside a link to a luxury trailer of the event.
I suggest, you send an orange square to your intended party list. Maybe supply some details about the location and time, if you feel like it. I’m not your real dad.
#2 – The Money
Okay, so how we gonna get the funds, the moola? Easy, ask your friends to give you $12,000. This price includes catering, accommodation, the whole kit and kaboodle.
Okay, so this price may a bit out of your friends budget, so let’s cut off a few zeros ask everyone for $12. Trust me, it’ll cover everything.
#3 – Catering
This one is pretty easy, grab a few loaves of bread, some lettuce, tomato and some slices of cheese. Don’t forget to get a whole bunch of foam containers, for that authentic feel.
— Trevor DeHaas (@trev4president) April 28, 2017
#4 – Accommodation
The original event had used old Hurricane Katrina tents. Now, locating authentic Hurricane Katrina tents might be a bit of a tall order. Especially since you don’t have any money for this party.
I suggest; beg, borrow or steal some sheets and some rather large sticks. Prop up a tent yourself! You’ve just saved yourself some good money, that you can now pocket!
Unsure of where your guests will put their overnight bag? Just throw it in the mud, problem solved!
— Lamaan (@LamaanElGallal) April 28, 2017
#5 – Music
Fyre Festival promised appearances by bands such as Blink 182, Major Lazer and others. In reality, all of them cancelled.
To emulate this, set up your sound system, and don’t even bother to make a playlist. For added authenticity: forget to charge your phone, so no music can be played, and break every AUX cable in your house! Simple!
#6 – Arrest/Cancellation
Now, since your friends probably know what Fyre Festival is, and doesn’t expect you to give them a luxury getaway, I’m sure you won’t be arrested. But make sure you don’t invite any influencers, just in case. The most trouble you could get in is getting cancelled online.
So, throwing a Fyre Festival probably isn’t the best way to have a good time, but it’s a great way to get rid of those “friends” that get on your nerves. Disclaimer: we do not recommend doing this, don’t sue us please.